Can't All Be Luck
by dorcas
Summary: What's to be said when the attack comes from where you least expect it, and Keroro's standing blithly on the sidelines? Not a whole lot. Just Natsumi and Keroro bonding, and COMPLETE unless you want more. Rated for language.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Sergeant Frog. A very wonderful and talented woman with questionable prioritizing skills does. If I did, I would spend a whole lot more on character development even though it's a comedy.

…and by the way, this fic is based on that ideology (that of "every series needs a little charie development, and it's not like it hurts the characters to grow out of their established stereotypes") and I can understand if you don't respect that, but please tell me via review if so!

The preparations were complete; they had been for some time, but Giroro was hesitant, as he only was when it involved her. He had planned this for months without laying it out on paper, and once he saw it written out, a somewhat tangible manifestation of a wish he suspected was better left ignored, he had shuddered. He had balked at what it revealed in him. However, now that he had enlisted the means to make it reality, and now that the first move was clearly his, he knew there could be only one path.

It was inevitable, he told himself, polishing his weapon. It was unlikely the other members of the squad would be surprised. The platoon was forever engaging in tricky situations that could lead anywhere, and he didn't know how any of them managed to be caught off guard by any novelty. The question was really whether someone would react with hostility, and who would take the heat. Anyway, it wasn't _his_ innovation that would be creating an uproar today—just his idea and his plan. The more he considered it, the less wise it appeared, but his heart had risen once again to hold hostage his rationality, and any soldier knew passion trumped logic when it came down to results.

It was an early autumn morning, and his tent was braving the winds to Keronian technology standards, but the gusts came one after another lashing against his fortress. It was a good thing he wasn't superstitious, or he'd call the whole thing off for another day. Just a little further away would be better, so he tried to believe, but in the end he stood. He checked that the weapon was loaded and set to run without a hitch, and left the tent.

Natsumi Hinata was making stir-fry for breakfast. Aki Hinata's frequent morning absences allowed her daughter total freedom in the kitchen, and though many times Natsumi complained to herself that children shouldn't have to take care of themselves to the extent that it was the norm, there were brief periods where she was glad for the creative decisions she could take without a mother's nutritional perspective. Throwing together random foods she happened to like in order to sample their combined taste was one of her private pleasures. Fuyuki and Keroro had long learned to go with the crazy concoctions because nine times out of ten it wasn't a complete disaster, and on the tenth they could liberally pour ketchup. It also helped that Natsumi was willing to admit to culinary mistakes and usually made up for it the same night for dinner.

About twenty minutes before school started Fuyuki came downstairs, looking if not sharp then at least prepared to give less-than-stellar academic and athletic performance at school. Keroro followed him, stumbling and stilly sleepy-looking. "You stayed up last night working on your models, Stupid Frog?" Natsumi jabbed, dividing the meal into three equal parts and setting the plates before them as they sat at the square table.

Keroro stared groggily at his plate of "leek-broccoli-mushroom-tomato medley plus turkey patty on the side", resigned to giving all Pekoponian foods a chance. "You could say, Natsumi-dono, absolutely." Being the kind of person to recklessly eat his favorites first, he scarfed down the turkey and gingerly grabbed a broccoli floret with his chopsticks. "Mm! Tastes like tomato! Like starfruit!"

Fuyuki's face fell. Natsumi shot him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I forgot you hate tomatoes! I didn't seed them before adding, so that's why the juice is in everything. Sorry, Fuyuki, but I'll make ravioli tonight, is that better?"

"Nah, don't worry about it, Sis. I need to get to school early today anyway; Momoka's got a lead on a secret passageway under the custodian's closet." He bravely ate a fourth of his vegetables and then munched gratefully on the turkey so he wouldn't have the aftertaste plaguing him. "After school d'ya want to go to get an Gundum, Sarge?"

"Kero! Looking forward to it!" the alien replied through a mouthful of mushroom. "New Gundam! Whee!"

Fuyuki nodded and departed. Natsumi and Keroro finished their meals quietly. "Just leave your plate here and I'll take care of it before I leave," she said as he stood to jump off his chair. He answered with a formal thankful phrase and whistled his way back down to the basement bedroom. She savored the tart flavor of her food a little while longer, having decided the consequential rush would be worth it. The window panes creaked, warning her of the weather she would meet soon. As she stood the sun peeked out from behind the clouds, and the sliding glass doors glinted, catching her eye on the crimson tent in the Hinata's backyard. She let her glance linger a second on it, wondering if she would have the chance to say good morning to the warrior alien before heading off. That was how she missed the ray blast.

"Ugh…stupid frog..." Her eyes were willed open to slits. An overwhelming drowsiness permeated her body. The room was dark again with the clouds obscuring the sun outside and the electric lights left off for the daytime. Her head faced the right, and she was on her belly. She tried to make a fist, but it was as if her hand were covered in a layer of cotton balls, and she only grasped air without feeling. "I just know he's responsible for…" she broke off, closing her eyes because it took so much effort to hold them up, "…whatever this is."

She lay there plotting her vengeance, concentrating her wrath into energy the way she was wont to. Eventually she became aware that she was chilled, and with that realization of restored senses she made the titanic heave to standing position in one motion. That one fixation guided her to sprint to the alien's bedroom door.

Without preamble she pounded on it. "STUPID FROG! What have you done while I was out? You think you can get rid of me and do whatever you want? I'LL CLOBBER YOU!"

Having deemed the stage set for breaking and entering, though, Natsumi found herself in a curious position. That is, the floor seemed to be much closer than she remembered—at least in all recent memory. "You've shrunk me, too!" she set her teeth, quivering with rage. "You'll pay for this!" And she kicked the door in the only way she knew how.

She found the amphibious alien hunched in the center of the room with his back to her. "You've got some explaining to do!" she shouted, though previous adventures reminded her it was only the worst of his plans that followed this path, and this would be the time to exercise caution. When he hadn't answered her for ten seconds, she shouted, "Stupid frog!" but received no reply, and then saw the headphone cord leading to an iPod, placed carefully beside him.

She stomped over and yanked the cord, ripping out the earphones, revealed to be sticking with tape. Immediately the sergeant flew onto his back and threw a tantrum. "Waaah Natsumi-dono's supposed to be at school! I'll do the chores later, I swear! It's not like I have inspiration to go on for anything invasion related right now anyway, so leave me alone!" He kicked and swung his arms to accompany a continued ramble. Running out of steam, though, he propped himself up in his relaxed side-recline, deliberately facing away from her. "What can I do for you, Natsumi-dono?"

Hearing no answer, he went on, "If you remember, you told me you'd do the dishes this morning, so I can't be blamed. You should just follow through with your promises like a big Pekoponian girl, and remember to keep a lid on the grumbling or you'll spoil your marriage, dear dear, kero. And then my grand singing at your wedding would have all been in vain! By the way, the new and improved repertoire does not contain Sumomo, you'll be glad to know." At this point Keroro couldn't take the silence. He snuck a peek at the unusually non-oppressive presence behind him, and promptly gaped.

Where he had expected to find the violent, over-controlling Pekoponian female youth was instead a beautiful, burgundy Keronian female youth. Well, he only thought "beautiful" that quickly, he supposed, because she happened to be completely naked, with no hat or belly marking in sight. He lost his balance, fell over onto his back, and covered his eyes. "I HEARD Natsumi-dono enter without permission and with the usual verbal abuse, and I hoped it was only an unfortunate hallucination, but now I see there are stranger things to imagine up and I take it back! I won't ever do drugs! I'm sorry for thinking temporarily substituting one addiction for another would make me a more productive invader! I won't do speed, even though the name implies work ethic would no longer be a factor! And you!" he yelled, pointing vaguely with his eyes tightly shut. "Quit breathing erratically! It's making me uncomfortable!"

"Stupid frog," said the newcomer, but the voice was unmistakable, even as it quavered uncharacteristically. "I don't believe this, so you're going to have to see it for me. Is this…really me?"

He took a deep breath. "If I see you like this you'll kill me for looking at you like a pervert! At least go to my closet and put on one of my hats!"

"Why would I think that? Could you just look at me and tell me that this is for real?"

"Hat first," he insisted. He heard the soft and light footfalls of his species. The closet door made a cracking noise as it was opened with fervor, and the loud rustling of cloth suggested his organization standards weren't thought highly of.

"There, now look at me. For all I know, this could just be a stupid scheme. Maybe my body is somewhere else, is that it? If it is, this isn't funny."

Just as he feared, his first half-second glance was spot-on correct. Before him was a young female Keronian, skin toned a deep magenta except for the area of her face below her eyes, which were hazel in color. Those expressive eyes were wide with fear, he saw. "What's wrong?" he asked without thinking.

"I'm not looking down at you," the Keronian said flatly. "And you're not looking up at me." Keroro waited. "Normally to get out of dreams you ask someone to pinch you, but I have a feeling you'd put all the force of your grudge against me into it, so how about I punch you instead?" She said this seriously.

"Kero!" Keroro braced himself, but the impact didn't come.

Natsumi was looking down at her small webbed hand. "It's no good," she said. "My reach is so much shorter with the rest of me, and my body's responses are all wrong!" She looked him in the eye, furious, but an edge of panic tinting her face and voice. "Stupid frog, how could you do this to me?"

"I didn't do this! Don't blame me!" He waved his arms and retreated a few steps. "If it were my plan I'd be a lot more prepared, with the rest of the team backing me up! You know that!"

"You're always lying!" she yelled. "You're going to see how my abilities as a frog compare to mine as a human, right? Then you can take out whichever's weaker!"

"How sneaky do you think I am?" he asked, taken aback by her vehemence.

"Pretty damn sneaky, you little toad, if now you won't even admit to your plans!" She advanced on him as he backed away further. "If there was one thing I could count on you for it was your ability to be an insensitive, sociopathic , egomaniacal asshole, but this is going too far! Enslaving my body and fusing it with your technology is one thing, but warping it completely is something so low—" She gnashed her teeth bitterly. "I don't even know you anymore. Maybe I never did."

_That _Keroro had an answer for, which he wisely kept to himself for the moment. Natsumi wasn't finished. "Where's Kilulu? If he's not working on an antidote within thirty seconds it'll be your head, stupid frog!" Her hands twitched. He knew in her human body she would have grabbed and shook him by now. Here she was standing awkwardly and resorting to empty threats because her body was feeling stranger to her by the second. Even as he watched with growing dread she found her tadpole tail, and he saw her working every ounce of willpower into _not touching it_ in front of him.

"The Sergeant's not responsible this time."

Giroro marched inside. 'I'll make it clear,' he thought as they both gaped at him. 'I'll be honest, and explain it directly to her, and then she'll see it's the best thing that could happen to her.'

"Whaddaya mean, he didn't do this? What do you know, Giroro?"

"Giroro?"

The alien in question was startled to see a stern expression on Keroro's face, but pushed his concern aside for the moment. "Natsumi, the one who changed you is me. Before you try attacking any of us you should get used to this body first, otherwise you're sure to lose."

"But…why?" She stood motionless, her expression neutral. She was weighing his words against what little she knew of his personality. "I would have expected this from him, but you, I thought you were…" She trailed off.

'What? You thought I was what?' his mind screamed, but he kept his face bare of emotion also. "I suggest you take some time to think about your options as a Keronian before making a move." With that, he turned to exit.

He barely had time to register the betrayal in her eyes before he was embedded in the wall across from the bedroom door. 'Incredible!' he couldn't help reflecting behind the pain. 'She's already learned that though her limbs are shorter, her overall power and durability have increased tenfold!' As he slid to the floor he only had admiration for she who had struck him so fiercely.

"How dare you walk away from me?" Natsumi's Keronian body, interestingly enough, seemed uninhibited when it came to looming over the defeated. "I'm not a Keronian, I'm a human, no matter what I look like to you, and you've got seriously deteriorated dendrites in that frog brain of yours to think I'll help you invade my planet!" She punctuated her statement of will with a stamp by his head. "Now, you got me into this, so you know how to undo it. I suggest _you_ do something about it before I start learning how to fight you guys on your own level."

"Not this time, Natsumi." Giroro rose to his feet. Acutely aware he was unable to look her in the eye, he told her, "This time I won't interfere. You will make a decision a week from now. Until then, I cannot help you, and I will not speak with you on it. I also reserve the right to decide if you've thought carefully, and to extend the trial period to however long it takes you to make the right choice."

"This is ridiculous! You're making me miss school and life because of some dumb test? What's this choice, anyway? It seems clear to me you've already got the 'right choice' in mind already!"

"Corporal Giroro," spoke up Keroro suddenly. "You are out of line, and you know it."

In the silence they all realized he had come to Natsumi's defense. The atmosphere became heavy with the sense of the tables turned. Giroro, the one who had in the past always been the one to defend her from the green one, grunted. "I have nothing else to say. I'm taking Kilulu and we're going to do some training in the mountains. Until next week, Natsumi."

That quickly, he was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Sergeant Frog. I can only be grateful that the English dub runs more like an abridged series than a true translation, because, let's be honest, it's a whole lot funnier this way. There was no way they could pass it as a kid's show here, anyway, so why shouldn't they run with the gags?

Natsumi watched him go. It was striking how solid and determined his phrasing had been while he had been laying down the rules for this little game, and even more so how he dashed off without a glance back at her. It was almost as if he was ashamed, but if he were, what little shame he had would have to be submerged in his subconscious beneath a festering accumulation of-of—of the side of him she had missed till now.

He left her feeling very foolish, feet away from the one she had wrongfully accused. Well, one couldn't wrongfully accuse one who had attempted such destruction on her home on a regular basis, but she felt obliged to apologize whenever something turned out not to be his fault, however rarely that may be. "Sorry, stupid frog," she muttered, and turned to go up the stairs. Once she reached them, though, she found herself in the predicament of being so small that the steps were transformed into enormous obstacles. A bit of her earlier rage began to return. She refused to humiliate herself in front of the alien sergeant! Neither would she ask for his help! So she told herself; but the stairs stretched above her tauntingly, and she began to suspect there could be many things a Keronian might hate about Earth.

"Hold it a minute," the nervous voice of the sergeant beckoned. She turned to face him. "How do you plan on handling this? I don't know what he's after, but he seems serious, so I wouldn't go after him if I were you, not just yet."

If she was getting friendly advice from her main rival in everything, things must be really going to hell, she decided. "I know that," she snapped. "I can feel that my legs are a lot stronger, but I'm not used to this body. I can't fight yet and he knows it. I'll have to learn, though."

"You really think you can?" Natsumi searched for the insidious gleam in his eye that would tell her if he was turning the circumstances in his favor in his mind, but didn't find it. This put her off balance.

"I'm gonna try," she replied curtly, looking up the stairs again.

To her increasing embarrassment, she became aware that he was waiting for her to exit the hallway. 'Waiting to see if I hop or crawl like an idiot? Waiting for a laugh?' she thought. She clenched her toes into the grimy stone floor.

"Kero, if you have trouble, you know, um…" She jolted from shock. Was he offering…? "…coping, Tamama or I can help out a little. I mean, we can tell you enough of Keronian physiology so you don't accidentally kill yourself, you know, over something stupid like letting yourself dry out, kero…"

"Stupid frog, I—" She gulped. Her voice sounded too soft for her liking. Well, as long as he _was_ offering… "How do you normally get up the stairs? I never paid attention."

"Kerokerokero!" laughed the alien, and she was grateful he was being familiar. "You said it yourself, our legs are a lot stronger than a Pekoponian's."

With that encouragement, she bounded up the stairs one leg on each as she would run up them skipping steps with human height. At the top, she turned and waved to him. "Wow, you're right! It's like my whole body is my core!" She felt her energy didn't need to be concentrated, that her extremities would be able to endure much more than a human's. She let her hand down to mouth level and examined it. Did surfaces feel different with this skin? Despite herself, she anticipated experimenting with various textures in the near future.

"Good job, now come back down please, Natsumi-dono." Keroro still waited by his door, challenging her with his large googley eyes. For a second she resented being all but ordered by him, but then thought it was better to find out if she could manage a decent descent with company to tend to possible wounds—though it was of course more likely he would ignore her if that came up. Running back down was tricky because of the sharp angle, but she worked out the speed and landed perfectly. The sergeant nodded and waved her inside. "We'll have to talk about this sooner or later, and it might as well be now. Even if you had time to go off and collect yourself first we'd be discussing the same things."

He gestured for her to sit at one end of his low table while he pulled out two small bags of dried fruit. "Don't eat chips if you can help it," he said conversationally as he tossed her one. "Salty foods aren't really good for us. You'll be able to tell that by the taste. Sweet or sour is almost always safe, and the wetter the better, so I guess now you'll have reason to stock up on cans like I keep asking you, huh?" He rubbed his hands together gleefully before opening his bag.

"I always meant to pick up pickling, anyway," lied Natsumi, whose two family members were averse to smelly foods.

For two minutes she struggled with the bag, marveling at how similar and yet how different Keronian hands were to those of humans. Having three fingers and a thumb proved a great hindrance while she concentrated on it, so she forced herself to feel for the way that came naturally. She pinched each wide side and was relieved to see it open smoothly. She had been beginning to think she would have to pop it open like a grade-schooler!

She took her first well-earned bite, but when the strange taste faded she started and found the sergeant's wide eyes on her. Chewing loudly, he smiled. "That was fast," he said. "My first time maneuvering the Pekoponian suit went worse than how you're doing."

"Ah, those suits!" She exclaimed, but immediately realized it was a lost cause. "I'd be just as clumsy, and anyway my head wouldn't be hidden." Without realizing it, she began to think aloud. "What, does he expect me to just skip a whole week of school? Assignments are really hard to make up when you weren't in class for the lecture! Well I guess I've got bigger problems to worry about than that. How can I do my chores when just going up and down the stairs was so weird? How'm I going to tell Mom and Fuyuki?"

"Yeah, Giroro should've been the one to tell them, but in your case I don't think telling them will be the problem so much as their reactions when you show them will be. Kero!" said Keroro anxiously. "D'ya think they'll throw me out? They've got no reason to believe I didn't do this!"

"About that," said Natsumi suspiciously. "I'm still waiting for you to make an insane offer. I'm having a hard time myself believing Giroro wasn't acting under _your_ orders."

"Natsumi-dono, based on everything you know about Giroro, do you really think he would have gone through with this just because I told him to?"

"How should I know?"

"What did you think he was?"

"Huh?"

"Earlier, you said you thought he was…something." Keroro had his eyes closed disarmingly. He was taking on the role of diplomat, and he played it well. "Now why would you think he was anything other than a gun-toting muscle-head bent on preferably the destruction of your planet and/or the genocide of your entire race? You know I go for slavery as much as the next Keronian, but Corporal Giroro has always been a 'kill first, ask later' kind of guy. I won't say that he's changed completely since he's got here, but I can't deny that you've never seen him the way he was."

"Well, I've always known he was the most violent of you guys, except for maybe Tamama," she said defensively, because she didn't like to think of herself oblivious.

"I'll put it this way: if you had told me a year ago that Giroro would be spending his evenings roasting sweet potatoes for an enemy female, I would have laughed in your face."

"You laugh in my face often enough, anyway," she returned weakly.

His dead serious stare frightened her. He set his half-empty bag down in front of him. "Do you remember when Garuru nearly took over Pekopon?"

They had never once spoken of it since that day when everything was set right. She gulped. "I try not to," she said honestly.

He tapered his fingers darkly. The effect was much more sinister seen from his level, she noticed. "You saw me that day the way I was a long time ago, when I wasn't much more than killing instinct and battle tactics, and far from the stable guy I am now." When he saw her bit her lip to keep from interrupting, he added, "Relatively speaking, I mean. Giroro still thrives on battle. It used to be a constant for us both, but he lived in it. I have a hard time dealing with him sometimes now because he's so different in some situations. Before he met you, he was bent on slaughtering any Pekoponians he could find between him and the horizon."

"I…find that hard to believe." Natsumi unconsciously licked her lips, which could no longer correctly be called lips, and resisted the urge to wipe her mouth with her hand for fear the feel of her skin might unnerve her entirely.

"Of course you would." He snatched up his bag and recommenced munching. "If I were you I'd think of a strategy fast; Fuyuki's just dense enough to miss you a few hours, but if you recall, Mom-lady's due back early today."

In a flash she'd stood up so quickly she fell over. "Oh man, I totally spaced! What time is it? How long do I have? Why didn't you te—" Natsumi cut herself off with a resounding shriek. "There's a lump in my butt!"

"Aha! You admit it! Oh…you must mean your tail…" Suddenly Keroro seemed in an altogether jovial mood.

"This is so beyond weird!" she wailed.

She made a beeline for the door, but before she knew she'd planned to she was at a halt. She about-faced and fixed him with her most potent glare (which she didn't know was at severely reduced power now that her eyes were so large). "Don't invite anybody over today, got it? And stay down here with your gundam till dinner. I'd better not see you upstairs before then! I mean it! And don't be late!" And she bolted out of the room before he could comment on her hysteria.

With only two hours before Fuyuki arrived home from school, and five altogether till Dooms-Dinner, Natsumi checked her breathing. As she suspected, she could not breathe through her skin like a true amphibian. Her skin did not function as two organs; rather, as she tentatively touched her left arm with her right hand, she could see that it was basically like human skin, sans hair and with a faintly oozing secretion that resembled oil in consistency. Perhaps it was because this substance was currently coming from herself, but she was not disgusted as she thought she should have been. Nor did she feel uncomfortable with her body being so exposed. Any orifices were inexplicably closed off, though she clearly felt her expanded bladder presently. She ran for the bathroom and there discovered… the rest.

After that she felt she could handle anything her new—no, her current body threw at her. Even the tail she had learned to largely ignore; it was short enough not to be a bother. Soon she quit pacing the hallway and moved on to lunges, hops (which, interestingly enough, weren't so easy even as a frog) and eventually cartwheels and somersaults. It was heartening to learn how much her overall energy had risen. Though she had always been the athletic one in the family, and indeed, in the whole school at times, never had she felt more tenacious. How was it that this tiny, rubbery body could definitely endure so much more than her tall, strong human body? The more she exercised, the more she knew she could do, and she couldn't help but try everything!

It had come to her as divine inspiration to attempt to literally bounce off the walls, and she was doing just that to her heart's content when there came a booming.

Specifically, a booming yet shrill voice on an intercom broadcasted around the house and nearly blew her brains out. "HEY! ARE YOU HAVING FUN? LISTEN UP LITTLE GIRL YOU 'BOUT TO GET FOUND! I HOPE YOU'VE FIGURED SOMETHING OUT, 'CAUSE HERE COMES FUYUKI!"

She lost her balance and fell flat on her face. Though it didn't hurt, her cheeks burned with embarrassment. "Thanks for the tip, stupid frog!" she spat acidly as she scrambled up and away from the front door. She had only just positioned herself behind the nearest corner when it opened and her little brother entered. Thanking her stars that her voice remained unchanged with her size, she cleared her throat, and in her best bossy-boots voice, yelled, "If you think you're just gonna settle in front of the TV for your Mysterious Mysteries reruns, you can forget it! I know you haven't forgotten what Mom said about your report card, so you move your ass upstairs doubletime and get to studying!"

"N-Natsumi?" he cowered. "Why do you sound like you're at floor level?"

That was true to his detective form. "Because I'm scrubbing the floors like someone who pulls their own weight around the house. Don't you have something to do already?"

"C-can't I get a snack first?"

"MOVE IT!" she yelled, and was satisfied to hear him zip up to his room and slam the door securely behind him. Sighing and reflexively placing her hand over her heart, she looked up into a corner where she knew a Keronian camera lurked. "Seriously, thanks. I'll wash the floor for real before I get dinner started if you don't use that again today." In the following silence, she smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I don't own it! I don't own anything! cries

With her brother and the Fridiot out of the way, Natsumi had approximately three hours at the most, or two and a half at the least, to prepare dinner. Realizing that chopping the vegetables could prove the most difficult task of the day, she opted to make something simple. Though the sergeant typically complained when meals were obviously frugal, she had often resorted to spice trickery to keep him content and quiet. Reaching up to open the refrigerator was awkward, but luckily the ingredients she needed were in the crisper drawer at the bottom. In the future she would have to drag a chair over just to get the cheese.

She tossed the sack of potatoes and plastic bag of unused leeks onto the countertop. She withdrew a large cutting board from a slender floor-level cupboard and a small sharp knife from a higher drawer, thanking her mother for making it a rule to sheath each blade before putting away, as she had to feel for the handle from below. Deciding to approach cooking as if it wouldn't be too different with three-fingered hands, she worked quickly and had everything ready in no time. She set a saucepan of water with a bouillon cube dropped in to simmer and measured two cups of water into a large pot while she was at it. She rinsed the leeks, cut them lengthwise, and chopped them, then peeled and cut the potatoes into chunks haphazardly. She sautéed the leeks in butter, dumped them in the pot of water and then added the potatoes and broth. While the stew cooked for twenty minutes, her hands itched to try cutting again, so she dug out a loaf of French bread and meticulously sliced it, taking care to focus on the motion instead of the feeling that she must have sliced off her own ring finger at some point.

She pureed half the stew in the blender, returned it to the pot, and went ballistic with the spices on it before lifting the heavy, but not as heavy as it logically should have been, pot onto another burner to cool while she fried some breaded tilapia in oil and lime juice. With all jobs done, she found herself unable to stall any longer. Natsumi fingered the star mark on her borrowed hat, took a deep breath, and yelled as she had known how to yell since the first grade. "DINNER!"

The boys knew once was all they would get, so that left her little time to ready herself. Fidgeting, she cursed herself for not thinking more on what she would say while she had been cooking. She climbed the chair established as "hers" and awaited their arrival with apprehension permeating every pore of her alien body.

Too soon, Fuyuki entered the dining room, looking weary of geometry and history. "Leeks again, how nice," he said politely, sniffing with his eyes closed. When he opened them he was met with the startling sight of a magenta Keronian sitting at the table. Rather than attack her ears with an outburst of fright, however, he blinked. "Er…hello, I'm Fuyuki Hinata. Sarge didn't tell me he was inviting anyone over…"

"Sit down, Fuyuki."

He gaped. "You're—you can't be—"

"I said sit down, loser!" barked Natsumi, diminutive size or no. "Do you have any idea what an experience it was making this shit for you? Eat it before it gets cold!"

Obediently he slid into his seat and picked up his spoon. "But—"

"Shut up and I'll tell you about it. No interruptions." Her hands, laid on the tabletop, were trembling. She inconspicuously removed them and placed them on her lap, fisted. "It's not all that complicated. Giroro shot me this morning with something that put me in this body. He says he'll come back in a week, and until then I've got the wonderful job of thinking about what I wanna do with my life."

"Well said, kerokero," chortled the primary invading alien, entering stage left.

"Sit down, shut up and eat," ordered Natsumi. _I'm going to get through this,_ she thought. _With or without help, I'm going to beat him, I'll teach him not to mess with me!_ She fixed him with a rabid stare as he waddled to his chair, and made her glare more pronounced when he did it much more gracefully than she.

"Bon appetite!" He slurped up the soup greedily and made no sign of interrupting.

"Fuyuki," she continued. "I dunno what he's thinking, but it looks like it's serious. If I had to guess I'd bet the most important thing to him is fighting, so he must want a fair fight between us." Keroro snorted. Natsumi ignored him. "So I want you to help me on this. Can you talk to the teachers at school and get my assignments? I want to train this whole week so I'll be ready when he comes back." She sat back, signaling it was his turn.

"I think you've got the wrong idea, Natsumi," Fuyuki said immediately. Keroro looked at him in surprise. "You say he just wanted you to 'think' while he's away? Call me crazy, but if he really wanted to fight you he would have just come out and demanded it."

"What else could it be? Stupid frog, you said yourself all he thinks about is fighting," she entreated him to contribute.

He scrambled for a foothold in the conversation. "Th-that's not exactly what I said, Natsumi-dono."

"Then you tell me what this is about, 'cause I'm just hanging here without a line!"

"I told you, I didn't have anything to do with this!" The lights in the dining room reflected an undisputable glimmer of sincerity in his eyes. "Kero! Why don't you believe me?"

"Think hard!" growled Natsumi. Keroro resumed eating tearfully with a cowed countenance. "I'll tell Mom tomorrow night, Fuyuki, but tonight if she asks I'm pulling an all-nighter for studying."

"Where will you really be?" Fuyuki asked, already thinking along her lines.

"What do you mean?" she replied, blanking her face carefully. "Tomorrow I'll see what Kululu has to say, spend the rest of the day training, and then we'll regroup after school."

Her little brother pinned her with a hurt expression. It was disconcerting how he looked at her as he would if she were still human. "You're lying," he muttered. "If you trusted Kululu's information at all you'd have gone and tried to beat it out of him in the first place." She couldn't deny it. He knew her too well. "You know you don't have to face this alone; Sarge and I, we're here to help!"

"Kero?" blustered 'Sarge'.

Natsumi retained her silence. She took her spoon and began swallowing the potato-leek soup with avid concentration. Fuyuki said, "Wherever you go, be safe, and take your phone." Then he excused himself and went back up to his room, leaving his half-empty bowl behind him.

"Uh…" Keroro followed him with his eyes. He looked back to Natsumi, who was putting all her effort into not spilling a drop. He tilted his bowl back, drew several long gulps, and clonked it down on the table. "Dinner was great! I'll leave the rest to you then!" he said in his most garrulous and grating voice, used when cheerfully sly and never successfully against Natsumi. He drifted toward the doorway, daring her to stop him.

But she only murmured, "Yeah, I'll take care of it," and didn't look up when he exited.

Natsumi's proximity to the ground complemented by her unbelievable speed was thrilling. She was riding that thrill to Koyuki's house in the nearby mountains, or so she planned. Giroro had said he was going to the mountains, so there was a possibility that he was taking refuge with Dororo, though it was a slim chance due to his natural independent streak. _And it's not like he's averse to camping,_ she thought discontentedly. She preferred direct confrontation as soon as possible, but it seemed even if she managed to find him before he expected her he would probably evade.

The feeling of being enclosed by the bushes she passed pushed her to run at a pace her human legs could never have achieved. The darkness enveloped her snugly; the cool night air breathed beautifully on her skin. _Who'd have guessed streaking could be so refreshing?_ Despite herself, she was beginning to identify the perks of her Keronian body.

Suddenly she was tumbling down a hill without a break pedal. Her oily skin didn't scrape as her human skin would, but she felt each skid mark forming with every bump. Keroro's hat acted as a buffer between her head and the ground, but a thin one, and she instinctively reached out for a hold on anything that could fit into her hand. Unfortunately vines were not native to these forests, and the extended twigs on the bushes snapped clean off with the force of her dense body crashing through. Frustrated at her helplessness with such short arms, she cried out.

At that moment her hat caught on something—or rather, something caught the earflap of her hat, because she was nearly yanked straight out of it with the abrupt stop. She landed on soft, moist earth and moaned. Huffing profusely from the excitement, she let out a relieved sigh. "Oh man, that would have been an embarrassing way to go. And so soon, too!"

"Tell me about it! You were all, 'whoa, whoa, save me, I no longer have spaghetti Pekoponian arms! Whatever will I do!" Natsumi whipped her head around at the sound of the pseudo-Southern accent designed to mock all human teenage girls, but most assuredly specifically her, and was mortified to see the alien sergeant leaning against a birch tree trunk for support as he openly laughed at her. "Kerokerokero!"

"Stupid frog!" she yelled, too enraged to thank him yet. "What are you doing here?"

"Keepin' your sorry tail safe from your own ineptitude, of course," said the Keronian with a giggle. "Oh yeah, and Fuyuki wanted me to bring you back before you did something stupid, but I guess it's too late for that!"

"You've obviously wanted to say that line for a while now, haven't you?" grated Natsumi.

He leered at her. "That's right! Not so smart now, are you? You're not even tough the way you are now!"

"Is that a challenge I hear?" she returned boldly. It was only bluffing, but she had to believe that if there was a shred of decency in the world, Keroro being Keroro and Natsumi being Natsumi canceled out any extraneous factors, and she would find a way to beat him. "I bet I could still take you down!"

"Nah, don't waste them fighting words on me," said Keroro, waving her war aura away. "I don't feel like fighting right now, and anyway you're not a worthy opponent in this state."

"Not—I'm not worth a fight?"

"Nope." He winked. Then, to her astonishment, he sat down comfortably on the mossy, spongy ground and patted an area beside him. "C'mon, let's just talk till you feel up to going back."

There were so many reasons to distrust him, to shove his olive branch back up his ass where it came from, but she suddenly felt her legs turning to jelly and realized she still had no gauge of her limits. She could afford to play better-than-you once she had recovered her strength. Reluctantly, she settled beside her arch-rival. For a time they were both silent, listening to the echoes of the Earthen frogs croaking. She sometimes forgot that even if he was usually faking interest, since early on they had been able to converse comfortably so long as neither was angry with the other. Even false peace, she was inclined to believe, was better than bickering, so she could act civilized if he could, she decided. She didn't prickle when he spoke up. "So what's bothering you the most so far?"

She could have told him she could feel that her organs were all screwed up, the nakedness although strangely pleasant was also intensely awkward, and her vastly broadened vision gave her the willies, but in the end what emerged from the tip of her consciousness was: "For some reason I don't want Giroro to think I'm weak."

"Kero…I didn't know Giroro was so important to you." He sounded amused. She refused to turn her head toward him.

"I didn't say that!" She didn't know why she had all but said that, but she had to turn it around fast.

"Yes you did, Natsu-dono."

"Did not! I wasn't thinking of him in particular!" Backed into a corner, she mended quickly, "I meant all of you! It's very important that I get some kind of respect from you invaders." _And also, I couldn't stand it if you didn't look up to me. _Even just being literally at the same level as the alien had cut down her ego considerably.

"In that case, don't worry about it. All Pekoponians are weak next to Keronians. It's nothing to be ashamed of," he said graciously.

His semi-benevolent attitude was beginning to grate on her nerves. "What are you saying? You're always screaming and backing off if I get serious."

"Most of the time I let you. If I fought you seriously, I'd kill you."

It was said so calmly, the latter phrase cut through the background noise and reduced the space between them to inches. She swallowed the convulsing lump in her throat. "I don't believe that! You've got too much pride to let yourself be humiliated regularly by a little girl like me!"

"Kero…" He said this softly, and she wished she could detect the usual alarm at being caught in a lie instead of the passive tone of an adult confronted by a child.

"No way… you've just been protecting my pride?"

"…kero…" Now he sounded a little ashamed.

"All this time… you've been patronizing me?"

"…" Her indignant shriek induced not a flinch.

She had to try, though. "I should hit you for tricking me."

"Kero, please don't. Even if doesn't do any lasting damage whatsoever, it does hurt."

"Now I don't know what to think." She was intensely, overwhelmingly embarrassed. At long last the alien invader was putting the upstart Earthgirl in her place, and he was doing it with the truth! "All this time I've been giving it my all and you've all been laughing at me!" she accused bitterly.

"Natsumi, I'm close to 200 years old. So are Giroro and Dororo. I think we can handle your feelings with maturity."

"Whatever! Like you've handled our pseudo-battles in the past? The slug man, the comedy contest, the swimming contest, the racecars? I thought you were always trying to one-up me, but now you're saying you're not even trying! I'm just a kid in the sandbox."

"Sort of, but not exactly. You're a very strong Pekoponian, and it's customary—granted, an old custom-among Keronians to honor a race to be conquered by giving the strong a fighting chance on their own terms. I do have to admit you tend to keep us occupied when provoked, and that's the honest truth. You're not willing very often, so I'm obliged to take the fight to you." He let that sink in, then added, "And also, nobody likes to be humiliated by a little girl."

At least that last comment was accompanied by a pout; she could tell by the way his voice lilted. "All right, I guess I can apologize for the way I treat you sometimes, but even you have to own up to the fact that most of the time you bring it on yourself."

"What about the accidents you blame me for? And the disasters I didn't plan or forgot about anyway?" he wheedled shrewdly.

"You're close to 200 years old; haven't you thought to run away?"

"Keronians face adversity with pride."

So she'd gathered from all his screaming. "I can respect that. So then it's up to me to decide when you mean it to be mean and when you mean it to take over the world."

"Kerokerokero! You'll never get anywhere being that nitpicky!" After acknowledging their adversarial relationship he was attempting to return the atmosphere to non-threatening, like a true negotiator. He could have made an excellent politician on Keron if he weren't born into the military, Natsumi speculated disconsolately, for as constant the threat was she hated to be reminded of his invader status.

"…I kind of suspected."

"You're always suspicious. It's what your planet is counting on."

"No, I mean…" It really was the worst, to confess it directly to him, but she strained it through. "I sort of knew I was just super lucky most of the time."

When he broke the pause this time, he spoke in a mellow, musing tone. "Everyone knows luck is often a fighter's best weapon. You continue to meet us with an unprecedented amount of luck, but you can't believe that's all that protects you." He stood abruptly, before she could contrive a question, and offered a hand to help her up, which she accepted only because she wasn't absolutely certain she didn't need it. Keroro started walking up the hill she had tumbled from, and she followed without thinking. He called over his shoulder, "Our ride is parked at the top."

That meant, she realized, he had probably sprinted down the hill as she fell. Gratitude swelled in her, and she deep-sixed her plan to ditch the alien and continue to Koyuki's house, thinking how well it would be to sleep in her own room if not her own body. Now that she could see he couldn't see her face, she worked up the pluck to say, "I still don't know what's going to happen once the week's up."

"There is the matter of Giroro acting alone, without orders." He went on to explain: "His insubordination would be punished in the main military forces, but we'll be having our hands full just stopping him. It looks like he's in determined mode, like the time with the urban jungle, only here that energy is being focused on…"

"On me, for some reason," supplied Natsumi. She scratched at her borrowed cap in frustration. "I just don't get why it's only me and not Koyuki and Mom, too! It's not like I'm that strong! And if it's not about strength, then what?"

Keroro sidestepped that by not addressing it. "Giroro's a complicated guy." They boarded the unconcealed hover craft and were on their way home in a jiffy. "Anyhow, I plan to make him spill how he did it, and once this is all over we can all go back to school or invading or whatever."

So he knew Giroro's 'why' but wasn't sharing it with her. "It doesn't seem likely that he did it all by himself. I'd bet a week's worth of gaming Kululu was in on it." With her arms around his amphibious waist-less form and her face resting on his small shoulder, she felt him nod.

"Then I guess we can go with your original plan."

"This was my original plan."

"You're fake original plan. It has promise of results," he told her. "I can promise that much," he said. She didn't have to lift her chin to sense the malevolent gleam in his eye.

They made a skidded landing on the roof. Natsumi didn't wait to be asked to help him carry it inside, but picked up the back end when the engine cut. Keroro wisely made no comment as he heaved his end, and together they lifted it to the pad that would transport it to the bowels of the Keronian base. She entered the house before him, swinging the door so it would close after him. She heard him padding quietly behind her. His unusual squishy footsteps weren't so aggravating now that her own matched. When she stopped at her bedroom doorway he walked on. "Keroro," she said, before she knew she would. He halted immediately. In the close darkness she sensed he was listening attentively and with genuine surprise. She very seldom if ever called him by name. "Earlier, you said, um, that…" her lungs were inflated to the max with anxiety. "…that Tamama and you would um, would help…and I'm not reminding you because I expect it or anything," she said hastily, jumbling her consonants so the words ran continuously. "I just would like to say thanks for the offer, and I may have to accept it."

"Sure," came his easy reply. His obscured form didn't move.

And here she gathered her remaining dignity and hurled it at him in a vehement whisper. "But don't make the mistake of thinking you can go along with one of your crazy invasion schemes while I'm like this, because you already _know_ I'll find a way."

"I know you will, Natsumi."

She didn't wait to see if he lingered. She dove into her room, hopped onto her enormous and poofy bed, and dove straight into blessed oblivion.

Author's Note: If the later part of the forest conversation seemed contrived it's because I wrote only the dialog first in spontaneous comic format (in other words, in little sketches all over a lined notebook page) and had a hard time fleshing it out with actions and thoughts. Believe it or not that part came before all else; it's what the whole fic is based on. Just Natsumi and Keroro talking civilized-like. College is starting up again for me, so if someone wants me to continue this through the week of awkward adjustments just drop me a line via review. Know that if I do continue this story quality will convert to 1,000 word chapter lengths and probably less varied vocabulary, replaced with more dialog—because I like dialog a whole lot more than describing settings and such, in case you couldn't tell. Thanks for reading! I hope I don't seem pretentious here…


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